


Impulsive & Intrusive (Alternatively: Remus. Fucking. Ships It.)

by BerciBlep



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Prinxiety - Freeform, Spoilers For Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, more like 'okay but what if roman did this and remus said that'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 02:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19417015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerciBlep/pseuds/BerciBlep
Summary: Remus speaks with ridiculous nonsense and bullshit, but what about those rare times when Remus actually says something worthwhile? Remus makes his terrible grand entrance, Roman's secret is out, and Roman wants to strangle Remus.(AKA, I keep associating 'intrusive thoughts' with 'impulsive thoughts', and thus I came up with this scenario: what if Roman woke up earlier during the video, what if Remus encompasses impulsive thoughts too (if he doesn't already), and what if Remus shipped Prinxiety?)





	Impulsive & Intrusive (Alternatively: Remus. Fucking. Ships It.)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic I've ever published for this fandom ^^; I'm a bit nervous, tired, and it's like 4:30 am, but I've been a huge fan of this webseries ever since my roommate introduced me to it and I've always wanted to write a fic... and after watching that newest video, this plot hit me like a train on red bull. idk if this could be considered an "AU" because it's just. shippy canon divergence, but y'know, ya. ;;w;;
> 
> it was supposed to be a short drabble, but I guess I struggle with trying to keep things short when I get into it. anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this...!!

Virgil sighed. “I guess that… makes sense. I mean, I sound the alarm whenever _Roman_ suggests Thomas to talk to a cute guy so--”

Roman groaned as he peeled himself off the floor. Thomas’ eyes brightened, and he cried out, “Roman! You’re alive!”

“Speak of the devil. Anyway--” Virgil continued, “It follows that I would have even _more_ of a reaction to _Remus’_ suggestions.”

“Remus?” Roman looked up, then groaned again, but this time louder and more drawn out. “Oh, and I thought it was just a terrible dream.”

“In speaking of suggestions!” Remus’ hands flew up, and he pointed to Thomas for a moment, before pausing as his eyes landed on Roman. The dark side suddenly threw an accusing finger at Roman.

Roman startled, and a smile befitting of a raccoon goblin man living in a trash can slowly grew on Remus’ face.

“In _speaking_ of suggestions…” Remus jabbed his finger at Roman’s chest. “When are _you_ ever going to kiss Virgil, huh? You’ve been thinking about it for _years._ Still no results!”

Virgil choked, Patton’s jaw dropped, Logan blinked, Thomas gasped, and Roman?

Roman appeared to go through all five stages in the span of a few split seconds, before he decided to finish his reaction with punching Remus in the gut.

The silence that followed was immediately interrupted by varying stages of yelling, screaming, and Remus’ hyena-cackling laughter.

* * *

Roman collapsed onto the couch of the mind palace with a huff. He made a frustrated noise, crossed his arms over his chest, and then breathed out an exasperated, “I really do _not_ like him.”

“Like who, Princey?”

Roman jumped. “O-oh! Virgil! I didn’t see you there. When did you--? Weren’t you still up there, talking with Thomas?”

“Yeah, well.” Virgil shrugged a bit noncommitedly. “We talked. It’s done. Who don’t you like?”

Virgil seemed to be holding something back. Roman could tell, in the way that Virgil’s shoulders were pulled up tight, and in the tension in Virgil’s clenched hands that turned his fingers and knuckles white from stress.

The anxious side was being very tight-lipped about it, however, and Roman could tell he didn’t want to talk about it yet. So, Roman pat the seat beside him, and after a moment, Virgil decided to sit down.

“I was talking about Remus. I know I said it once, but I’ll say it as many times as needed! That man, he really, _really…!”_ Roman sighed dramatically, before exhaling a bit to calm himself down. “...really gets to me.”

Virgil snorted softly. “Yeah, I could imagine. He always freaked me out back then, I can only imagine how it annoying it is for you when he’s your, y’know. Er, brother.”

“Indeed! Oh, it’s terrible! To know that we are linked by the threads of our titles of creativity, only to have that very name _sullied_ by those _repulsive_ words of his! He says the most ridiculous, annoying things! Seriously, how does one manage to spit out so many dick jokes when Thomas tries so hard to keep things _relatively_ family friendly around here?! It’s embarrassing!”

“You said it. I would be lying if I said that some dick jokes don't make me laugh, though.” 

“Ah, noted. I do suppose that those random bouts of spontaneity can wrought out some good laughs here and there, but I _still_ believe that the Duke’s humor is… something to be left desired.”

“We can’t all be saying dick and sex jokes twenty four-seven, I guess.”

Roman snorted, then leaned back into his seat. His head was throbbing from that earlier impact his brother oh-so _lovingly_ bestowed on him via that terrible and painful iron flail of his, but Roman couldn’t tell what throbbed more-- the possible concussion he was pitifully nursing, or the burning embarrassment that Remus blurted out in front of almost everybody.

 _In speaking of suggestions…_ _When are you ever going to kiss Virgil, huh? You’ve been thinking about it for years. Still no results!_

Shit, topic change, topic change! Before Roman’s embarrassment was made obvious!

“--anyway. How are you faring, my dark and stormy knight? I hope he hasn’t… caused _too_ much trouble for you?”

The prince couldn’t help the guilty notes in his voice, and Virgil seemed to notice it. But instead of scowling at him for the disaster that was today, the anxious trait only let out a small huff of a laugh and a gentle smile that never failed to make Roman’s chest soar.

“Hey, you better not be blaming yourself for what happened. Just cause he’s your brother doesn’t make you accountable for his actions. If anything, _I_ should’ve--” Virgil suddenly stopped, and Roman straightened up slightly. His eyebrows furrowed together.

“...if anything, you should’ve...?”

“Nothing.” He said quickly.

Roman frowned. “Virgil. You can’t tell me to not blame myself when you’re doing the very same thing.”

“Yes I can.”

“What?” Roman sputtered. “How does that make sense?!”

“Because it does!” Virgil’s soft smile was gone, replaced by a scowl.

“It does not! Why must _you_ be held more accountable than the rest of us?”

It was Virgil’s turn to let out an exasperated, frustrated sound. “Oh my god, you nearly sound just like Thomas.”

Roman scoffed. “Well, that only makes sense, seeing how we all are parts of Thomas’ personali--”

“It’s because I was _one_ of them, genius! I should obviously know better!”

Roman held his breath.

He didn’t know what to say for a second, and unfortunately, that second was one too long for Virgil to handle. Flustered, the anxious side stood up from his spot on the couch, the springs of the cushion creaking slightly from the sudden shift of weight.

“...I-I should. Probably, go--”

Roman snapped back into reality, and before Virgil could take anymore steps back or try to sink out to his room, he rushed forward and snagged Virgil’s hand.

Virgil’s skin jumped under his touch, but Roman held tight.

“I know. I-I, I mean,” Roman cleared his throat. “I knew you were one of them. And I still don’t think you should be so hard on yourself.”

Virgil hesitated to look at Roman in the eyes, but when the romantic trait finally spoke up, Virgil blinked, then stared up at him. The genuine disbelief did something to Roman’s chest.

“...what? Why? How can… you _know_ that, and still think that I shouldn’t be more responsible for--”

“Because you can’t be held accountable for Remus’ actions even though he’s a dark side, just like how I can’t be held accountable for him even though he’s my brother. You’re telling me I can’t be held at fault, and so that means you shouldn’t be, either.”

Virgil held his breath. “...you make no sense, Princey.”

“The only sense I need to make is for your sake, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance.”

The words didn’t seem to make much sense, but despite that, they spilled out of Roman as right and easily as breathing air. Virgil’s eyes widened, and that breath he was holding came out as an embarrassed laugh.

“What the hell. That makes even _less_ sense.”

Roman felt himself smiling alongside Virgil’s shy and delightful laughter. “Really? It made sense to me. At least a little bit.”

Virgil’s laughter ebbed away as his eyes flitted down to their joined hands. Roman still hadn’t let go.

“...hey, uh. Roman?” Virgil tried to sound steady, but his voice had cracked halfway in such a cute way that nearly drove the prince mad.

Roman swallowed a bit. His throat suddenly went dry, and his heart suddenly decided to do a million-mile marathon at _that_ very moment. “Yeah?”

“...the… the thing that Remus said. Can he… read minds by any chance, or does he just… always say stuff like…”

_When are you ever going to kiss Virgil, huh? You’ve been thinking about it for years!_

Roman could lie. He could say how Remus only spoke nonsense bullshit like he pretty much _always_ does, and how Virgil shouldn’t worry himself about whatever that feral excuse of a Duke said.

But Roman also knew how much Virgil hated lying… and he also knew that Remus had a point.

It’s been years since he’s hidden the truth and lied to himself. Now should be the time that Roman started being honest to himself. He owed it to Virgil, and he owed it to himself, too. Roman wasn’t ready for the heartbreak that could follow if Virgil didn’t return his feelings, but he felt that if he held this in for any longer, he would burst at the seams completely and thoroughly.

“No, he can’t read minds. But-- he may have heard me talk a few times.”

“Talk?” Virgil pressed on nervously.

“...more like heard me very loudly complain about my three-year crush on you.”

Virgil sputtered and choked. “Your _what?!”_

Now it was Roman’s turn to freak out, and he immediately let go of Virgil’s hand. That wasn’t a good reaction, right? Oh my god, he fucked up, Roman fucked up-- “Y...yeah. So, um. There’s that! Now you know. The cat’s out of the bag! If it, of course, bothers you though, you could just-- pretend that I never said anything. Now, um, I best should be going by now, I mean sink down now, toodle loo, au dieu and good ni--”

“WAIT!”

Hands grabbed Roman by the scruff of his collar and yanked him up back into the living room of the mind palace. Roman stumbled, and Virgil tried his best to steady him, but unfortunately the other man failed. The two toppled to the ground in a graceless flop of flailing limbs and yelping.

“Ow!”

“Ouch, my head!”

“Shit! Sorry-!!”

Roman had fallen on his back, with Virgil splayed on top of him. He would’ve sat up, but his head was spinning and hurting something fierce now. Virgil, though? He didn’t know why Virgil was still laying on top of him.

And when his eyes refocused somewhat, he found that not only was Virgil still laying on top of him, but he was also looking at Roman with the most flustered and star-struck look he’s ever seen on his face.

“A-are you okay?” Virgil asked quietly.

“Y...yes. I’m fine-- my head hurts a little bit, but I’m okay. Wh-why aren’t you getting up? Are you hurt?”

Virgil’s face blushed harder, and no amount of white foundation was able to hide that. “N-no.”

“Then--”

“You had a crush on me? For two years?”

Roman’s words stuck in his throat, but he nodded-- then blinked and said, “No, three years, actually.”

“That’s… stupid.”

Roman’s expression scrunched up. “Stupid?!”

“Yeah.” Virgil gulped. “Three years ago, I was still… one of them. How did you like me for that long?”

“I found your dark aura annoyingly attractive.”

“That makes no sense.”

“You’ve said that about almost everything I said today!” Now Roman was sounding indignant, but his chest was racing at the same time. “Is it really that impossible for me to like you?! Because I do like you! And the Duke is right, I’ve wanted to kiss you for years, because you’re charming and annoying and insufferably cute!”

Virgil’s eyes widened, his blush somehow got even _worse,_ and with a strangled-like squeak that sounded like a cat startled shitless, Virgil said, “Don’t call me cute! A-and don’t say that you want to kiss me! That’s so fucking embarrassing!”

“You are cute, though! And I do want to kiss you!”

“ROMAN!”

The prince laughed. He couldn’t help it-- his anxious storm cloud’s embarrassment was way too endearing, and it made his chest feel light and happy despite the anxiety of his own confession running through his entire being. That light feeling began to fade a bit however as the insecurity began settling in once more.

“...do my feelings bother you?”

Virgil, who had been hiding behind his sleeves but hadn’t gotten off of Roman for some reason, peered from behind his sweater-hands and stared down at Roman with an expression that clearly said, _are you an idiot?_

And before Roman could say _why are you looking at me like that?,_ Virgil leaned down and pressed a quick, gentle kiss on Roman’s lips.

Just as quickly as it happened, it stopped. Virgil pulled away and hid his face once more, and Roman was left stunned and breathless.

“Does that answer your question, Sir-Sing-A-Lot?” Virgil grumbled out from behind his sleeves.

When it finally registered that Roman wasn’t dreaming and that Virgil really _did_ kiss him (He kissed me! Oh my god, he _kissed me!!)_ , the romantic trait let out a laugh of pure joy and sat up. Virgil nearly slid off of his lap and squeaked, but Roman held him fast and steadied him in place.

“So you _do_ like me back?”

“Are you an idiot?!” Virgil shrieked. “I kissed you, so what do you think that means?! Oh god, I’m dying, I’m dying. I’m gonna die--”

Roman squealed and hugged Virgil tightly. “No, you mustn’t die yet! Not when I only _just_ got a kiss from my lovely dark angel!”

 _“Roman!”_ Virgil practically squeaked.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I just can’t help it, I’m so happy-!” Roman laughed.

Virgil groaned and buried his face into Roman’s shoulder. “You idiot… how can you be this sappy and gushy…?”

“Only because you make me feel this ‘sappy’ and ‘gushy’, my dear.”

“A-already with the pet names?!”

Roman opened his mouth to say something, either an apology for embarrassing Virgil so much or some more stupidly-dorky pet names to embarrass Virgil _more_ with, but before he could, Remus threw himself from behind the couch and screamed, “ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCK MY BROTHER?!”

Virgil screamed, Roman screamed, and Roman also panicked so hard that he conjured his katana and nearly threw it at Remus.

It was needless to say that Remus’ intrusion, despite being the start of all this, was still very _not_ welcomed.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic began with remus, it had to end with him, too
> 
> fuckin love this raccoon goblin trash man
> 
> feel free to leave any comments or questions, any feedback is much appreciated!!


End file.
